"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority ... the Constitution was made to guard against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters." - Noah Webster

"There is no worse tyranny than forcing a man to pay for what he does not want just because you think it would be good for him."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

Monday, October 10, 2011

What to do?

Maybe I'm crazy for asking this question in this venue, but what the heck.

There's a woman I know and we go back a long ways.  She's in a relationship that I know very little about.  She lives with a guy, but I don't know if it's purely platonic or what.

I have thought about trying to make something more of the relationship, but why should I even try?  Then comes the fact that she won't tell me where she is.  I know the general area, but other than having email and a phone number, I don't know where she is.  It seems painfully obvious that she doesn't want me to know where she is.

But she wants access to the other blog that I've started.

I would open myself up to her on an even deeper level than I intend to write on that blog, if I thought that the relationship might develop into something deeper, but I'll be damned if I'm going to make it easy for her to read what I write on more personal topics when she doesn't trust me to know where she's at.

I've made mistakes in the past in dealing with her.  I'm sorry about that and I'd be willing to do a lot to atone for those mistakes.  But I am not going to bow and scrape for nothing.  I've made my apologies for what happened in the past.  I have a lot to offer for the future.  If that doesn't seem possible to her, I can't help that.

Maybe I just need to say goodbye and get over it all.  Maybe I'm not supposed to rectify anything with this woman and move on with my life.  Maybe God has another woman out there for me and I just need to be patient and wait for her to come along.

I screwed up big time with Twyla. I jumped in because it seemed so right.  I had talked myself into it.  Funny how that works.  I can still go over the list of reasons why it made so much sense that I should be with Twyla.  But in the end, it was wrong.  I could go into all the things I know now, but that would be a sin to speak evil of someone when there is no good reason to do so.

Now, I can list all the reasons why it doesn't make sense for me to chase after this other woman.  Logically, I should just forget about it and just quit communicating with her at all and get her out of my system.  But it seems like that could never happen in a million years.  But like I did when I was married to my first wife, I could force myself to shove her to the farthest corners of my mind.  I am nothing if not intensely loyal and faithful.  I would never, ever cheat on my wife.

Maybe I need some disinterested third party to give me some advice here.  How much information should I share? 

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