What to do?

Maybe I'm crazy for asking this question in this venue, but what the heck.

There's a woman I know and we go back a long ways.  She's in a relationship that I know very little about.  She lives with a guy, but I don't know if it's purely platonic or what.

I have thought about trying to make something more of the relationship, but why should I even try?  Then comes the fact that she won't tell me where she is.  I know the general area, but other than having email and a phone number, I don't know where she is.  It seems painfully obvious that she doesn't want me to know where she is.

But she wants access to the other blog that I've started.

I would open myself up to her on an even deeper level than I intend to write on that blog, if I thought that the relationship might develop into something deeper, but I'll be damned if I'm going to make it easy for her to read what I write on more personal topics when she doesn't trust me to know where she's at.

I've made mistakes in the past in dealing with her.  I'm sorry about that and I'd be willing to do a lot to atone for those mistakes.  But I am not going to bow and scrape for nothing.  I've made my apologies for what happened in the past.  I have a lot to offer for the future.  If that doesn't seem possible to her, I can't help that.

Maybe I just need to say goodbye and get over it all.  Maybe I'm not supposed to rectify anything with this woman and move on with my life.  Maybe God has another woman out there for me and I just need to be patient and wait for her to come along.

I screwed up big time with Twyla. I jumped in because it seemed so right.  I had talked myself into it.  Funny how that works.  I can still go over the list of reasons why it made so much sense that I should be with Twyla.  But in the end, it was wrong.  I could go into all the things I know now, but that would be a sin to speak evil of someone when there is no good reason to do so.

Now, I can list all the reasons why it doesn't make sense for me to chase after this other woman.  Logically, I should just forget about it and just quit communicating with her at all and get her out of my system.  But it seems like that could never happen in a million years.  But like I did when I was married to my first wife, I could force myself to shove her to the farthest corners of my mind.  I am nothing if not intensely loyal and faithful.  I would never, ever cheat on my wife.

Maybe I need some disinterested third party to give me some advice here.  How much information should I share? 

Eshet Chayil

Eshet Chayil.  A woman of valor.  Thus begins the prayer of blessing that I say over my wife as part of our Shabbat ritual on Friday night before sundown.  I should say it every day.  Twyla is the epitome of the Proverbs 31 woman.  She puts passion into whatever she does.  Her artwork is amazing.  You really need to go check out her blog and take the time to look at her watercolor page.

Ready to party

Twyla's doctor banned her from working years ago when her condition became just too much for her to try to keep working.  Her condition had her nearly crippled and there were times when she had to literally crawl from her car to the house at the end of a workday.  Being a nurse with a keen medical mind, she studied her own condition and learned all she could about natural remedies and therapies to bring some functionality back into her life.

She is allergic to pain medications, and so she lives in nearly a constant state of pain to some degree. In spite of all this, she works to keep a clean house, and take good care of her hubby.  She cooks delicious food for me every day.  Twyla has a laugh that is contagious and she laughs often and loudly.  She is so sharp that she comes up with the wittiest remarks at the drop of a hat.  She is deadly at Scrabble.  I know it's hard to imagine Scrabble as a blood sport, but trust me, you'd better be very good to want to take her on.  She is a beautiful woman.  Her beauty is way beyond skin deep.  The smile that radiates out of her and puts people at ease comes from a life of optimism in spite of suffering, and a deep abiding love for God.  Few people will ever get to experience the mercy and grace of such a woman as I get to experience on a regular basis.

Two new friends and two old ones at a Tea Party

Since I have taken on managing a farm for someone else, she has stepped up and taken on more.  She sees to it that the chickens get food and water as needed.  She has also taken on writing a blog on behalf of someone else in order to bring in more money.  She puts her incredible artistic talent into it for very little money, but she does it with the hope of being appreciated more down the road.  The quality of her work is worth far more than what she's getting paid.  That's the danger in doing something so well and making it look so easy.

My wife is someone who loves to be a hostess and give people an experience they will always cherish.  You should be so lucky to attend one of her "Tea Parties."  We recently made new friends via some other friends, and their first encounter with us was a Tea Party.  We don't have many real friends, but I think that's because we both won't just settle for mere acquaintances, or people who we will pretend to impress  and vice-versa.  Life is too short for such stuff.

So that's who I'm married to.  Whatever faults I think she has, her assets far outweigh them.  I'm very blessed by God to have her, and I think everyone else should know about it as well.  I love you, Twyla.  Thanks for being my wife.